I’ve settled into some peace about the path I’m on. I know now why it’s taking so long for me to achieve what I consider to be significant progress: I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
Let me explain.
I started dieting when I was 10 years old. By the time I hit my 20s, I was a seasoned, expert dieter. By the time I started having children, I’d pretty much tried every diet known to man. The only problem was that I started to realize that I wasn’t ever satisfied, and I didn’t ever feel like I could just relax and BE.
Finally, I learned that the solution to my problem was to stop dieting. So, I started EATING. And I ballooned up to a size 16. Then, I panicked and got on a seriously extreme, low-carb diet and extreme-dieted my way back down to a size 12. I still felt uncomfortable in my own skin and I couldn’t wait to eat like I really wanted to. Of course when that time came, I gained all the weight back and then some.
Fast forward to now: two years and many, many pages of Writing My Next Chapter later. I realize that what I really want is to completely transform. I want to MORPH into one of those naturally healthy, thin, fit, strong women who would no sooner eat cake twice in one week than she would bite her own toenails off. I want to eat healthy and exercise because it feels good for my body, not because I’m trying to lose weight or I feel like sh** if I don’t. I want to be someone who understands that fries and fro-yo are occasional treats, not the enemy of good health.
And so, onward I journey, eating mostly healthy, working out far less than I’d like to, occasionally eating fries and gasp bread, on occasion. But I no longer feel like I need a super decadent “cheat day” because I know that if I want a treat, I can have it any day. I also know that it’s probably never a good idea to go hog wild all day long eating copious amounts of sugar and carbs. It doesn’t feel good in the moment and feels even worse the next day.
I’m hopeful, though not entirely confident. I accept where I am on my journey, physically and mentally. And I feel like I can really and truly relax into this and enjoy the ride.
The half marathon is coming up in a few weeks and yes, I plan to show up and claim my bib. I won’t be running it; hell, I’ll be happy if I can even walk the entire thing (and I plan to have someone available somewhere with a cell phone and a car just in case I need to get picked up halfway through). But I WILL run a half marathon again, and this half marathon will be a really cool comparison point.
I have other mini-goals, too. I plan to be running at least 3 miles without stopping by January 1 so I can run with my friend and client, no matter how slowly we have to go.
And in May, the day before my birthday, I will have a camera on me while I go shopping for a bikini bathing suit for the first time in nearly 10 years, regardless of how close to or far from my goal I am by that point. More incentive to get myself closer to my goal, because that will either be super inspiring or super humiliating. I’ll post the pictures here, so be sure to keep reading!
How do you stay motivated and accountable? Do you weigh yourself often? Take progress pics? Tell people what you’re doing? I’d love to hear what’s worked for you!
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